addicted to everything.

i'm sitting at my desk, watching the clock tick by ever-so-slowly. i just got paid today and i'm making mental notes of what i want to do with my money.

• buy adderall, maybe coke.
• treat myself to some goodwill retail therapy.
• tattoo no, too poor for that.
• hair dye. yes, yes! i can do that.

i am addicted to everything it seems.

alcohol. uppers. sex. going to shows. going to bars. going on walks. not sleeping. certain foods (very specific cravings.)

i drank too much on tuesday. i was too poor to eat all day but i was able to get my hands on booze. (i'm always able to get my hands on booze.) i drank so much. more than i should have. enough to put me in a coma probably. i was so sure i was going to die yesterday.

i didn't. i survived alcohol poisoning. unlike this lady:

apparently amy winehouse died of acute alcohol poisoning

but, see, i know i'm gonna die of an overdose or something drug-related... heart-attack, stroke. yeah.

i just love being hiiiiiiiiiiigh. (blame it on the a-a-a-a-amphetamines!)

as for the sex... well, since i last wrote anything here i somehow acquired a boyfriend. a real, live, hot, funny, sweet, kind, caring, big-dicked dude! so, tho i'm only having sex with him (i'm a wastoid but i can dig on monogamy if the person's worth it), we're fucking like rabbits. i'm pretty addicted to him but it seems like the feeling's mutual.

uh, duh.

we've been together for five months and it's been pretty all right. i mean, i've fallen wicked hard for him.

the marathon sex certainly helps...

and he drinks just as much as i do and does just as many drugs. ah, love.

i just want to spend my money on drugs and my time writing. i'm sick of the daily grind of my "looks good on paper" job that sucks my soul and gives my degreeless ass no room for advancement. i want to be covered in tattoos and i want to be my neighborhood's poet laureate. i wanna play drugs in a band & i wanna be in a weird-ass electronic act. but i want to be able to afford my vices and my supplies. i can't do that without this stupid fucking job.

i am not addicted to my office lackey life. so there's that.

where was i going with this? i don't fucking know.