so it comes to this...

http://fuckyeahpilfs.tumblr.com/

i can't stop looking at this STUPID (as fuck) website. it's better than suicide girls (why did we never get suicide boys?) but it's still the fetishism of a subculture i'm not sure i am or ever have been a part of.

however, a lot of the people in the photos are painfully attractive. listen, i haven't had sex in a good long while & my hitachi magic wand exploded (long story.) conventional pornography does nothing for me & the one no-fauxxx/courtney trouble movie i have (seven minutes in heaven: FUCK YEAH!) has been played out to death.

i'm not even jerking off to these pictures. if anything, my being turned on is depressing the hell out of me. i've never gone longer than 3 months without sex since the age of 17. my fat-grrrl self is freaking out. i don't want to do the one-night-stand thing anymore. but i want some physical type shit to happen.

and, oh god! the men & women in these pictures are (for the most part) unbelievably attractive. hell, there are even some very, very, VERY sexy curvy/chubby ladies pictured. it's total pornography to me. and it's also heartbreaking. sorta.

i'm not trying to be super melodramatic here. it's just that i haven't had sex in almost 3 months (that marker of time i go by) & my hitachi died & i've never been very good with the manual stimulation & it's not like i'm masturbating anyways. but i just really want human touch, sexual affection.

someone to get drunk and make-out with.

a metalhead. or a crustlord. some boy in carhartts on a bike. fucken kill me.